weekend sufferfest

this weekend, as you may remember, i had two big workouts on my list.

#1: 14mi run immediately s/p an 8hr nursing shift. this nursing shift was straight from the 7th circle of hell, aka i didn't sit down once. needless to say, i didn't feel too fresh and peppy when i got started. and i have a cold, so i was snotty enough that my t-shirt could stand up on it's own by the end (i haven't mastered the whole snot-rocket thing.)  but it was a beautiful day in Concord, and that helped lessen the pain a bit. 2:24, on busted legs. could have been worse.

#2: BIG BRICK 70mi ride/4mi run. time to put the big girl panties on! it was 40 degrees when i left. did a route i'd never done before. [hint: this is foreshadowing]

turns out 7 mi of said route was 'under construction,' which in this case means there WAS NO ROAD. just dirt and rocks for 7 miles. took me forever and a year to snake my pretty princess tri bike through that mess. this route also had 1500+ ft of climbing. i did that part on purpose, and it wasn't too bad really (especially compared to TX hills) even on tired-from-the-day-before legs.

then i got lost. twice. then my GDDAMNED POS left rear aero cage broke! stupid rough "road" unscrewed the screws and buh-bye cage! then i got lost again.

i had planned for the ride to take me about 4:45. it took me SIX AND A HALF HOURS. between getting lost a bagillion times, stopping to check GPS because apparently there's no law requiring western Mass towns to LABEL THEIR EFFING STREETS like the rest of civilization, and trying to fix the water bottle cages, i added two more hours (and 5 more miles!) to my already loooongass brick. yay.

this mean that by the time i got off the bike, it felt like my vagina had been punched repeatedly with barbed-wire brass knuckles.

and this also meant the poor CTO and bebe had to wait around for me at the park for two hours! i was such a grumpy goddamn mess when i finally met them, i'm surprised they stuck around to run with me. all grumps aside, it felt surprisingly good to be off the bike and running, even with heavy legs that could only carry me 1:30 min/mi slower than my usual pace. i'm just glad i did it and didn't give up.

also, did i mention i have a cold, or allergies, or sinus AIDS? i had yellow goo running down my face/neck for all 6.5 hrs. in 40 degree weather. so i basically looked like this:

tell me, olde internete friends, are these long bricks supposed to suck? do they get better? or do you just get used to the ouch-factor? i was doubting my ability to do the IM for a little while today, not going to lie! (i pulled myself together, though. after surviving today, i figure IMLou will be manageable.)

the dark side of training

i'm not even all the way through with my first week of my first month of build training, and i'm already seeing the dark side of training that i feared so much.

due to conflicts with the CTO's schedule, i didn't get to leave for my swim today until 5:30pm. which means i didn't get to put my bebe to bed.

tomorrow, i get up at 5:30am to go to work, which (Nurse Gods willing) finishes at 3:30. work will be immediately followed by a 14 mile run on a route i've never done before. so, best case scenario, i'm done with my run and ready to drive home by 6:15pm. it takes 35min to get home with no traffic. and the kiddo has been going to bed between 6:45-7pm these days. which means i probably won't see him AT ALL on Saturday.

this realization made me cry as i said goodbye to him today.

but that's not all, folks. on Sunday, i have a longassmuthafuckin brick (70 mile ride + 4 mile run), for which i'll leave the house no later than 6am (again, before bebe wakes up). if i'm lucky i'll be done by 12.

if he's awake when i get home, that will be 42.5 hours that i have not seen my son.

this breaks my heart! i knew it would be hard, i did. especially starting work. but owie. i'm working on figuring out how to rearrange my schedule so i don't spend DAYS away from my child.

any working parents out there have tips for maximizing time with the kidlets? and poor CTO...he gets less time with me than the kid does :/

holy schedule cram

aka this week in workouts...

so i started my new job as a nurse. it's going well, but they're having me train A LOT on the floor and in the infusion center before they let me go on my own. i was hired for PRN (24hrs/month) but have been working 30+ hrs a week for the last two weeks. i still have two weeks of training before i'm done. so, essentially full-time work will overlap with the beginning of peak training for two weeks. on top of me trying to spend as much time as i can with the bebe. i can do this, right??

my two-a-day workouts increase from 2 to 3 days a week this week, and the long bike rides/bricks are getting REAL AS SHIT. here's the breakdown for this week:

M: 1:10 anaerobic spin workout + hill run workout (12x2min very hard repeat main set)
T: rest day + work
W: anaerobic swim (2x300, 3x200, 4x100 increasing from H to VHI main set) + 1:15 spin
Th: anaerobic spin (20x30 simulated hill climbs 55rpm repeat main set) + 50min run
F: aerobic swim (600, 500, 400, 300, 200, 100 ladder main set)
Sa: 14mi run after work .... should be fun after standing up all day.
Su: BRICK 70mi bike + 4mi run

woooooweeeeee time to bust out the mega tub of chamois butter! please send all the happy vajayjay juju you can muster, i'm going to need it!

what a week

shit. what a week. glad it's over.

M: rest day
T: 3.5hr brick
W: 12mi run
Th: anaerobic spin + ST
F: anaerobic spin + hill run
Sa: aerobic Looooongo swim
Su: anaerobic spin

this week is a rest week. can i get an AMEN?

M: rest day
T: swim 2
W: 50min run
Th: 1:15 spin
F: rest day
Sa: 50min run
Su: 1:15 spin

sirens

i'll try and make this my last blog-therapy post.

ever since monday, all i hear are sirens. and i'm pretty sure most of them aren't real. i've gone out to do my every day activities, but i'm terrified. i can't say exactly why. the logical part of my brain says the bombs were one-off, and that there isn't any danger in 'normal' day-to-day activities.

but i still have a knot like a rock in my stomach.

i did a 3.5hr brick on tuesday. i cried most of the way through the bike. i hadn't cried yet, and i thought it made me feel better. until i was out running the 4mi portion of the brick. about .25mi from home i have to pass under a train bridge. i have run under it multiple times while a train was over head. it never bothered me, until now.

a train went over as i was under the bridge, and i nearly had a heart attack. my body kept trying to roll straight into a panic attack, but i kept running through the halting breaths and pin-prick adrenaline fingers and eventually calmed down.

as i sit here on the couch while my kiddo pretends to nap, i can faintly hear sirens and helicopters. i'm not sure if they are actually there or not--i've been hearing them constantly since the bombings.

and you know what? all of this fear and paranoia and jumping at every bus that drives by? it makes me feel guilty. guilty because i am okay. guilty because i didn't leave my (safe) family to go help. guilty because i am feeling all crazy just for being a block away.

i know i said in my previous self-serving therapy post about the marathon that i wasn't going to let this get me down. welp, it's easier said than done.

tell me something good or happy, please.

marathon monday

i left work training early yesterday to get home in time to change, eat lunch, and meet Morgan, the kiddo, and our friends L&M + their kiddo downtown to watch the marathon.

L&M's sister was running, and they had decided to meet on Boylston St. two blocks from the finish to watch her run by. she had a great race and finished earlier than expected (ran a 3:38 instead of a 4).

riding the subway down there meant i came up out of the T on the wrong side of Boylston (by the Pru, instead of closer to the river where my people were.) i eventually made my way over to everyone and delivered the lunch they had waited so long for. once they finished eating, i proceeded to lead us down Boylston St. towards the finish line in order to meet up with L's sister, who was on the other side of the finish line by the park. i made a joke about not being able to watch the finish because it makes me too emotional--i got all choked up and weepy just watching the runners.

about 5 minutes before the blasts, we unknowingly walked right past the second bomb site. we got stalled due to the crowds, and the CTO decided it would be best to turn back towards Exeter so we could take Newbury (a parallel street one block over) to the park. after walking on Newbury for a few minutes we heard the first blast. we were only two blocks away, so it was LOUD. L and i looked at each other, then our kids, then each other, and said--'that couldn't have been an explosion. no. probably construction. but let's hurry anyways.'

we walked on for a few more seconds and heard another. i checked the news and twitter. 9s later and there were already tweets about the explosions.

as we got closer to the park, ambulances, fire trucks, police cars, swat vehicles, and under cover cop cars came zooming towards us. people started fast walking. there were frantic phone conversations. then running.

we grabbed ahold of our two littles and got as far away from down town as we could, grateful to be safe from whatever was happening. i wanted to go back and help, but the CTO pulled me back to reality with one quick glance at our sleeping babe.

if we had taken my intended route, we would have been right by the first blast. who knows what would have happened to us, to our children.

we were lucky yesterday.

so many others weren't. my heart aches for them, for their families. my heart aches for the Boston community, who is so shaken today. and for the runners who worked so hard to 'BQ' but were injured, stopped short, or simply horrified by the events.

i am still terrified today. i don't want to take the T. i don't want to take the kid to daycare. i don't want to do my brick workout. i want to sit on my computer and give myself a stomach ache by reading all of the news reports.

but. BUT. you know what? i am going to keep moving. i am not going to let whomever is responsible for this derail me, me life, my happiness. i will still run endurance races. i will still dream about qualifying for Boston. and i will still do this brick. i'm going to cry, but i'm going to do it.

now get off the internets and go hug a loved one!

last few weeks in workouts

with all of the flying and family events to attend, the last two weeks have been a bit hectic. here's what things have looked like:

Mar 25-Apr 3: rest week. seems like i had every other day off, with no two-a-days. felt fantastic.

Apr 1-7:
M: off (orientation at new job!!)
T: spin intervals + strength training (+ nursing orientation)
W: anaerobic swim (4x350 hard main set) (+ nursing orientation)
Th: anaerobic bike + hill repeats (+ nursing orientation)
F: missed the swim bc the BSC pool was closed, and we were too short on time for me to find another pool (+fly to Dallas)
Sa: 10mile run (+ Grandma's funeral)
Su: BRICK (3hr spin + 4mi run)  (+drive from Dallas to Austin)

This week:
M: anaerobic swim, same as above
T: unintentional rest day (stupid Gold's Gym in TX wouldn't let me do a spin workout without a TX license! grrrrrr)
W: fly to Boston + strength training
Th: anaerobic bike + hill repeats
F: aerobic swim, same as above
Sa: BRICK (3hr spin + 4mi run)
Su: 11mi run

I don't have any work commitments this week, so that is good. But I'm still going to end up missing a workout. That's two workouts missed in two weeks. I know it's not a huge deal to my overall fitness--I haven't felt this strong, well, ever--but it makes me nervous.

And shit is about to get crazier. We have friends coming in town for the marathon. And this is the weekend our landlord puts the house on the market (which means showings...and keeping the house perfectly clean...with guests...who have a 5 year old...) AND I start work again on Monday, and am training at the hospital 4 days out of the week.

How am I going to train and hit all my workouts once I start work? Can I do this??

Doubt is so evil... it just creeps in little by little. Maybe it's easier to doubt myself after having a couple of really crappy/emotional family weeks? Who knows. Here's hoping next week brings a better outlook and attitude on my part! Maybe watching the marathoners will inspire me.

absence

my paternal grandmother went in and out of the hospital and rehab three or four times last month for various infections before she finally said 'enough is enough; take me home.'

it took a week or two for my dad and his 6 other siblings to get it organized, but Grandma went home from the hospital on hospice care on the Saturday before Easter. seemed appropriate to have her home that weekend--as a devout Catholic, Easter was her favorite holiday.

that night, my dad and his brothers and sister, their spouses, and some of the grandkids ate pizza, laughed, and told stories in the kitchen. they took turns going in to see Grandma. at one point, Grandma told my mom 'I'm home.'

at 6:28am on Easter Sunday, my sweet Grandma died.

she was in her own bed, in the house she and Grandpa lived in for 40+ years, knowing that all but one of her children were there to support her.

i'm not happy that she's gone, but i'm happy that she got what she wanted: to be 'home.' Grandpa died almost 20 years ago when Grandma was 71. she's talked a few times in the last 3 years about 'going home' to be with Grandpa.

i'm glad you're home, Grandma. we will miss you.

Granmda Maloney