it is August 1st, 2013.
IRONMAN LOUISVILLE IS THIS MONTH.
i am simultaneously excited, terrified, sad, happy, ready for these long-training-weekends-of-not-seeing-my-family to be over, not ready to stop riding and running and swimming so much, afraid that my best will not be enough, proud of what my body has done, and confident that i can do it. yes, i am that scattered. and yes, that is okay.
my last century ride was the hardest yet. it came the day after a 16mi run. and it was the first ride of this training cycle that i just didn't want to do from the get go. i did it, but my mind wanted to quit 100x after mile 50 even though my legs felt *okay. (*=definitely not awesome.) i had to take a few/many/multiple 15min pity party breaks to lie in the grass and whine about something or another. but i had plenty of time to think about the race. i am 100% confident that i am physically prepared to do the distance.
i am not 100% confident about the time cutoffs. so there is fear there. there is fear that i will lose this mental strength somehow on race day. there is fear of not being able to overcome obstacles that the course throws my way. rain? time cut offs? multiple flats? gi issues? other mechanical on the bike? uncooperative legs? nutrition fail? you name it, i've got some fear attached to it.
but in the end, i know i've done all i can to be prepared. and when the day comes, i'll be as prepared as i'm going to be, and that's that. most of the things that have been worth doing in my life (moving overseas, going back to school, getting married, having a kid, IM training, working as an RN) scared the crap out of me in the beginning. so it's okay to be afraid. it's something i just have to sit with right now. marinate in. feel it. own it. then i can move forward. not necessarily leaving the fear behind, but realizing it is a part of the process, and nothing more. i'm somewhere between zen and a compete mental breakdown.
how about you?
I had a pitty party during the bike portion last year. It was around mile 45 or so right after we went through La Grange the first time. It was on the country road after we turned left out of La Grange. I pulled over and gave myself an attitude adjustment, had a GU and told myself to pull it together. I thought having over 60 miles left to go on the bike was going to be hell and I had no idea how I would make it. The promise of eating the Payday candy bar that was in my special needs bag pulled me through. My inner fat kid was not going to let that Payday go to waste. :) Best Payday ever.
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