each one of these was said to me within 24hrs of my DNF at IM Louisville last year, from (probably) well-meaning people. this post sat in my drafts section for some time... it seemed too bitter to post some days, and not bitter enough others. so, without further ado:
#10 "Ouch. So what did you do wrong?"
sometimes the person didn't do anything wrong, other than just be incredibly unlucky. and there's going to be a time and a place for reflection post IM DNF. 24hrs post-race is not the best time to pose this question, if you value your life.
#9 "No big deal, just sign up for another one!"
wrong! very big deal! this person in all likelihood spent 8-10 months of their life training, and they probably dropped thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours away from family and friends to do it. some of us just can't afford two $700+ race fees in a year, either. and some of our bodies (and brains) can't handle that commitment more than once a year.
#8 "So, when's your next race?"
not a huge no-no, especially if you wait a while to ask it, but still not a great thing to hear a day or a week later. i don't fucking know when my next one is, i have to mourn the loss of this one first. thanks.
#7 "What's DNF?"
oh please, yes, let me explain to you in excruciating detail what DID NOT FINISH means. jesus even my 80 year old grandmother understands how to 'google' something. think-->speak.
#6 "My cousin did one after only training for 4 weeks. Do you want me to call her so she can be your coach?"
nononononono. no. because one of two things is true here. either 1) you and/or your cousin are massive liars, in which case, no, i'll pass. or 2) your cousin is a genetic freak and will have nothing to offer a normal person like me.
#5 "You're still an IRONMAN to me!"
no, actually, i'm not. you only get to say that if you cross the finish line. this isn't like elementary school these days where everyone is a winner and we all get a blue ribbon with a #1 on it at field day. this is real life. i'm an adult. i did not cross the finish line. therefore, i am not an IRONMAN. don't placate me!
#4 "My uncle almost DNF'd when he had a (heart attack/stroke/shark attack) but he kept going."
props to your uncle. he sounds crazy and/or badass and/or a genetic freak and i would like to take him out for a beer (or soda water if he had a stroke?) but yeah, was that supposed to make me feel better? because....no.
#3 "I almost DNF'd. But then I rallied. Oh and I qualified for Kona. Again! Yay!"
i nearly punched this person. and she said it with a straight face, before she skipped off to go claim her Kona spot. i'm glad we've established this is all about you. this is MY pity party. stabstabstab.
#2 "You should have just stopped before _____ so you could do another one this year and not waste all that training."
the same response as to #9 applies here, but I included this one because the condescending tone just boiled my blood. oh yes. please tell me what i should have done at my one shot at this for the next 5 years. i'm all ears, really. don't mind the ugly crying, shaking, and snot.
and my (least) favorite...
#1 "CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!! :) :)"
posted on social media for everyone to see, sent in texts, IMs, chats, emails, and other messages. hey, thanks for thinking of me, but congrats for what, exactly? not finishing? failing at a huge life goal? thanks? for fuck's sake, people. check the results first.
and that's all i have to say about that.
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